Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize