it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
