Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
