People in love make me want to vomit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
