best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
