dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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