apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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