also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
