I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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