Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
