Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
