Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
