Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
