i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
