well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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