when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
