I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize