I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
