Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
