Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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