he shaved USA in his pubs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
