i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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