Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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