He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
