i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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