Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
