Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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