I feel great
I just peed on a car
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
