Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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