Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
