please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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