are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
