here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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