I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
where are my eyebrows?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize