Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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