If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
