The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
