Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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