i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
