just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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