Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
