When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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