what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
