Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
