It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
