Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Buhtt sex?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize