***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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