I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
