You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
