I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
