after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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