I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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