The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
