I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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