cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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