so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just forgot I was standing up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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