____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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