And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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