never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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