I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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