dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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