i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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