Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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