this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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