I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
