one two three fourrrrnication!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
