I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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