carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
