last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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