OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
