My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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