It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
