Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
