i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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